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Plain Jane Learns to Knit Wormholes

by Wendy Nikel

None of it would’ve happened if Jane had known how to pick up a dropped stitch, and that’s exactly what I told Pastor when he popped in to investigate the peculiar noises coming from the Fellowship Hall.

But he asked me, as head of the Martha Society, to write a blurb for the bulletin explaining the damage, so here goes.

Tuesday, Beverly brought her niece—the plain one, not the former Miss Minnesota—to knit scarves for the Alaskan orphanage. It was Jane’s first time at Martha Society, so we tried to make her feel welcome, even though she didn’t know a garter stitch from a moss stitch. Margie loaned her knitting needles, Bonnie offered some yarn, and Irene showed her how to cast on.

That was our first mistake. Everyone knows Irene uses the English method; everyone else here uses the German. No wonder Jane dropped the stitch and opened up an interdimensional wormhole.

We were all discussing the congregation’s upcoming 150th anniversary when a gaping hole opened right wher…

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